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Economy: Exposed

Quick question: do snakes have legs?

No! Of course not. That would be preposterous. But you know who has legs? Most human beings!

Today I am going to talk about an oft-ignored aspect of economy: the flight class. Buckle up buckaroos, because this exposé has been a long time coming and MAD has some opinions!

When you look up "economy planes definition" the lovely Miss Google tells you that the purchase of an economy ticket means that you will be sitting in the main cabin. I read this, and I thought "Sweet! I love cabins!" This is what I imagine when I think of cabins:

Looks pretty neat, right? You hear you're gonna be sitting in this bad boy for 1-19 hours, and life doesn't seem so bad. Maybe I could fetch some firewood and cozy up, reading and drinking hot chocolate. Boy, was I in for the tomfoolery of my life. Apparently a plane's cabin isn't warm, welcoming, or wooden. Instead, a plane's cabin looks like this:

Why Do Flyers' Ears Bleed When Cabins Have Pressure Issues?

Just looking at that picture makes me claustrophobic! What is that metal deathtrap? That isle is so narrow you can't walk through it without bumping your hips (that do not lie) into an innocent bystander's elbow. There's hardly any leg room and people online cannot decide whether or not you're allowed to recline your seat back. It's exhausting and it's no way to travel. This is the godforsaken economy class I so desperately wanted to discuss. Due to its array of design flaws and other issues, I believe this aspect of our society needed to be exposed.

The average economy seat is 29 to 32 inches wide. How do you expect a several-foot-long snake to fit in such a small space? Most snakes are about 3.3 feet in length, so how are they expected to contort like that? Short answer: they aren't. For some reason, economy class also has an issue with snakes on planes. The snakes on plane controversy began with the release of the action/thriller film Snakes on a Plane in 2006. While an FBI agent played by Samuel L. Jackson flies on a plane, some super evil dude releases a bunch of venomous snakes. Not only have I heard the movie is bad, but it gives snakes on a plane a bad reputation. 

I personally believe that a snake is the ideal seat mate for a flight. They're quiet, respectful, and usually won't kill you. What more could you want from someone you'll sit next to for 1-19 hours?

This is what's wrong with society these days. Not only are your legs and arms cramped for several hours, but your snake buddy can't even come on board without scaring people. Folks, there's nothing to fear! If anything, redirect this fear at the fact that the metal contraption you're stuck inside is about to hurl itself into the air at 160-180mph. Now that's a legitimate fear. 

I've become quite worked up while writing this post. I might just drive to a cabin (read: the wooden, warm, welcoming one shown earlier) to unwind. Perhaps I will find a snake companion while I'm out there exploring the great outdoors! 

Peace, love, snakes,
-MAD

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