The Dow Jones Explained

Has this ever happened to you?
A well-meaning friend: "The Dow fell by 3 last night"
You: "I don't know where 3 is, but did you help it get back up?"

You fool. You absolute, hare-brained, rat-brained, rabbit-brained, vole-brained fool. Dude. You're 27. You should know what the hell is up with the Dow Jones.

The Dow Jones is a line people put on graphs when they want to feel smart. It was established way before you were born, and it'll exist way after your existence on this planet. Life is temporary, but the Dow Jones is forever.

I wrote a sonnet about the Dow Jones Industrial Average to help knuckleheads like you understand it.

The Dow Jones, which is also called the Dow,
Has thirty corporate constituents,
Each of which is a marketplace cash-cow,
And is replaced like a substituent,
Well really, companies stay for quite long,
And aren't replaced unless business is slow,
Some people say the Dow Jones's never wrong,
But all stock stuff it cannot claim to know,
This index, represented by a line,
Has been around for damn near centuries,
It may not be the best to undermine,
The index if the masses you must please,
Now that this Dow Jones knowledge is bestowed,
You're free to walk down life's ole' winding road.

Peace, love, econ,
-MAD

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