Millennials Are Ruining The Economy

Millennials. They buy so much avocado toast. If they have so much avocado for money toast, why don't they just? Toast their money? Set it ablaze? Same difference, avocado.

Millenia is a thousand years. Millennials are people who have been alive for a thousand years. They had so much time to save money, but they're wasting it all and they're taking the economy down with them.

Imagine a wealthy vampire. Now imagine Jeff Bezos. Consider the implications.

Sir Jeff wants to be immortalized. Vampires aren't immortal because they are dead. Does one need to be alive to be considered immortal? Or does "immortal" just mean one cannot die? But vampires can die?
The jury was out and now they are in and now they are an In-N-Out so this is inconclusive. We should've chosen better jurors.

HELLO!

Peace, love, economy,
-MAD

Author's note: this post was written 4 hours after I had 5oz of cold brew, excuse the brain noises, everything is not making sense.

Comments

Top 10 Coffee Snakes

Mmmmmmmmmmmm........... coffee. It's warm, it's a drug, and it goes sploosh in your stomach. But this post isn't about coffee, it's about snakes. In my post "Top 10 Kinds of Snakes," I ranked the genus Ninia as #1. Since there are 10 species in the genus Ninia, I thought today I would rank them. Before we get started, let's talk about Ninia snakes all together: they are native to Mexico, Central America, and the northern part of South America. They are commonly referred to as coffee snakes, hence the name of this post. 10. Ninia franciscoi It breaks my heart to rank any kind of coffee snake last, but seeing as I couldn't find any pictures of this species, I have to rank them here. Time to go into my mud hut and cry for seventeen days! 9. Ninia celata I couldn't find a better picture, sorry. But it's still beautiful. 8. Ninia atrata Also called Hallowell's coffee snake. It's wearing a red choker, which is SO 2006, but ...

Fun Snake Facts For Adults

There are so many lists of fun facts for kids, but why aren't there fun facts for adults? Adults can have fun. Adults deserve to have fun. Adulthood isn't terrifying, and I'm definitely not using this to distract myself of an oncoming existential crisis. Let's get to the fun (adult) facts! 1. Snakes don't have eyelids. Right off the bat, snakes can't close their eyes because they don't have eyelids! This means they sleep with their eyes open. Don't you wish you could sleep right now? Isn't adulthood exhausting? 2. Snakes have flexible jaws so they can eat food bigger than their head. Just like you, snakes can bite off more than they can chew. Actually, snakes can't bite or chew, but you get my point. Don't you feel so overwhelmed right now? Life is a prison. 3. A decapitated head of a snake can still bite for several hours after death. Doesn't this remind you of the person you thought you cut off who still manages to hurt you? T...

Top 10 Kinds of Snakes

Here is a list of my 10 favorite kinds of snakes. Have fun, pal!!!! 10. Death Adder I wanted to put this one higher on the list, but my agents warned me against promoting something named after Death. Fair enough, I guess. But I simply couldn't resist showing off these snakes- they can do math AND kill people, which is super hardcore. Look at these beautiful babies: 9. Dwarf Boa Also referred to as thunder snakes, these tiny boys are a MENACE. I wish I had a son, only because then I could get him a tiny little pet snake. Look how cute and cuddly they are!!!!! 8. False Cobra These snakes are really cute, so I wanted to feature them here on MAD. The only reason they didn't place higher on the list is because they are fake ass hoes- the False Cobra is not a species of cobra at all!!! When I found this out, I contemplated jumping off of the nearest bridge because I was so overwhelmed. Anyway, yeah: 7. Mamba A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of E...

My Aneconda Don't

Search This Blog