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How to care for a pet snake

Here is a step-by-step procedure on how to care for a pet snake. I think this will be helpful because snakes are good and deserve respect. Here goes!

1. Invest in a snake.
This is a snake:












This is a pool noodle:













Remember that next time.

2. Make a Snake House.
You want your snake to be happy, so build it a house, you absolute moron. Get a terrarium, get some sand, get a cool hidey place for your snake to hang out. You can't just bring a freaking snake home and expect it to get all comfy on your sofa. Get a snake house.

3. Food.
Like any other mammals and most species of fish, snakes need to feed every 1-2 months in order to stay fit. Every full moon, make sure to tunnel underground to hunt some fresh voles, mice, and river eels for your snake to snack on.

4. Don't be a petty bitch.
We all throw shade at snakes, but it's important to keep your head held high.

There's more things you should do, but I need to go back to my cave to obsess about snakes and the economy. I hope this blog post was helpful!!

Peace, love, snakes,
-MAD
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Comments

  1. UnknownMay 8, 2018 at 7:38 PM

    I'm having trouble taking out a loan for my snake house in this terrible aneconomy. Any advice?

    ReplyDelete

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