Skip to main content

Anacondas

As a first blog post, I would like to explain the name of this blog: my aneconda don't. It's funny, because i misspelled "anaconda" so that it contains the word "econ" in it. This is an anaconda:


But anacondas are so much more than a Thicc snake. They have influenced everything from the civil war, to the Bible, to modern culture. Here is a list of things anacondas did for human society:

1. The Anaconda Plan: this was a plan during the civil war. If i actually listened in APUSH, I would be able to tell you what this was, but i was so distracted by the beauty that is the amazonian anaconda that I couldn't focus.

2. The Bible: there's a snake in the Bible. It might not be an anaconda, but remember that.

3. Stacy: This one isn't exactly an anaconda either. Stacy, if you're reading this, you're a snake and your casseroles are shit.

4. Nicki Minaj: If you've been living under Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, you probably haven't heard that cultural icon and also Jesus, Nicki "Thicci" Minaj, released a song called Anaconda. It's pretty good, i think.

Anway thats all i have for today.

Peace, love (for everyone except Stacy), snakes,
-MAD (My Aneconda Don't)


Labels:

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 8, 2018 at 8:48 AM

    i am in love with you, bingo bongo. i am drumming my drums in solidarity right now as i speak

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Top 10 Coffee Snakes

Mmmmmmmmmmmm........... coffee. It's warm, it's a drug, and it goes sploosh in your stomach. But this post isn't about coffee, it's about snakes. In my post "Top 10 Kinds of Snakes," I ranked the genus Ninia as #1. Since there are 10 species in the genus Ninia, I thought today I would rank them. Before we get started, let's talk about Ninia snakes all together: they are native to Mexico, Central America, and the northern part of South America. They are commonly referred to as coffee snakes, hence the name of this post. 10. Ninia franciscoi It breaks my heart to rank any kind of coffee snake last, but seeing as I couldn't find any pictures of this species, I have to rank them here. Time to go into my mud hut and cry for seventeen days! 9. Ninia celata I couldn't find a better picture, sorry. But it's still beautiful. 8. Ninia atrata Also called Hallowell's coffee snake. It's wearing a red choker, which is SO 2006, but ...
1 comment
Read more

How to care for a pet snake

Here is a step-by-step procedure on how to care for a pet snake. I think this will be helpful because snakes are good and deserve respect. Here goes! 1. Invest in a snake. This is a snake: This is a pool noodle: Remember that next time. 2. Make a Snake House. You want your snake to be happy, so build it a house, you absolute moron. Get a terrarium, get some sand, get a cool hidey place for your snake to hang out. You can't just bring a freaking snake home and expect it to get all comfy on your sofa. Get a snake house. 3. Food. Like any other mammals and most species of fish, snakes need to feed every 1-2 months in order to stay fit. Every full moon, make sure to tunnel underground to hunt some fresh voles, mice, and river eels for your snake to snack on. 4. Don't be a petty bitch. We all throw shade at snakes, but it's important to keep your head held high. There's more things you should do, but I need to go back to my cave t...
1 comment
Read more

Fun Snake Facts For Adults

There are so many lists of fun facts for kids, but why aren't there fun facts for adults? Adults can have fun. Adults deserve  to have fun. Adulthood isn't terrifying, and I'm definitely not using this to distract myself of an oncoming existential crisis. Let's get to the fun (adult) facts! 1. Snakes don't have eyelids. Right off the bat, snakes can't close their eyes because they don't have eyelids! This means they sleep with their eyes open. Don't you wish you could sleep right now? Isn't adulthood exhausting? 2. Snakes have flexible jaws so they can eat food bigger than their head. Just like you, snakes can bite off more than they can chew. Actually, snakes can't bite or chew, but you get my point. Don't you feel so overwhelmed right now? Life is a prison. 3. A decapitated head of a snake can still bite for several hours after death. Doesn't this remind you of the person you thought you cut off who still manages to hurt you? T...
Post a Comment
Read more