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Top 10 Kinds of Snakes

Here is a list of my 10 favorite kinds of snakes. Have fun, pal!!!!

10. Death Adder
I wanted to put this one higher on the list, but my agents warned me against promoting something named after Death. Fair enough, I guess. But I simply couldn't resist showing off these snakes- they can do math AND kill people, which is super hardcore. Look at these beautiful babies:



9. Dwarf Boa
Also referred to as thunder snakes, these tiny boys are a MENACE. I wish I had a son, only because then I could get him a tiny little pet snake. Look how cute and cuddly they are!!!!!


8. False Cobra
These snakes are really cute, so I wanted to feature them here on MAD. The only reason they didn't place higher on the list is because they are fake ass hoes- the False Cobra is not a species of cobra at all!!! When I found this out, I contemplated jumping off of the nearest bridge because I was so overwhelmed. Anyway, yeah:


7. Mamba
A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side, a little bit of Rita is all I need, a little bit of Tina is what I see. A little bit of Sandra in the sun, a little bit of Mary all night long, a little bit of Jessica here I am, a little bit of you makes me your man.
Oh shit, is this the wrong kind of Mamba? Whatever. Here's what they look like:



6. Sharon
You may be wondering how she made the list. The woman's a snake, okay! Her life's a mess, her brownies are trash, and her home decor is wack. She talks shit over mimosas at brunch while wearing a wide-brimmed hat, so you know she's a hoe.


5. You.
'Nuff said.

4. Anaconda
This blog is named after anacondas, so it's only fitting that they are on this list. They're thicc, timeless, and sexy. You know I can't resist a woman with curves, so here goes:


1. Coffee Snakes
These are snakes of the genus Ninia. Commonly referred to as coffee snakes, these babies are native to Central and South America, so they're kind of right in your backyard! Honestly, I was only interested in these snakes because I thought they were called ninja snakes, but ninia snakes are cool, too. These snakes are secretive and nocturnal, and they just might steal your man. Look at how cute they are! 

Thanks for reading this top 10 list of snakes, that turned into a top 8 list! I hope you learned something new today. 

Peace, love, snakes,
-MAD

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