My Aneconda Don't

Frightening. Terrifying. Transparent. Scary. Dead. These are all words that are used to describe ghosts. You may be wondering where I've been. For the last year, I have been undercover in [redacted] trying to understand ghosts' plight. One could say that I'm back from the dead, in a way! After thorough research and a deep-dive into ghost culture, I'm back with the hottest scoop on the block. The Appearance of Apparitions  A ghost is thought to be the soul or spirit of someone who has passed away. Some believe they're vividly lifelike, while some say they're wispy and see-through. Has anyone thought that ghosts can present however they want to? I'm sick of these expectations of how ghosts should look. Wearing a sheet isn't "basic" and only wearing your outfit from the day you died isn't "lazy." Ghosts can appear however they want, and you have no right to judge them for it. Specters as Spectators in our Material World ...

Existence is meaningless. This core belief of nihilism, the thought-child of Nietzsche, at first appears depressing. It appears depressing because it is. Believing that life is meaningless can, for quite obvious reasons, cause feelings of depression and despair. After all, if nothing has meaning, what is the point of doing anything? However, once you have successfully detached yourself from anything connecting you to the world or society, life becomes so much easier. You no longer must care about the thoughts or feelings of others. Instead, every decision you make doesn't matter, so why not live life to the fullest? Take a risk, try something new, whisper sweetly to a night snake (more on that in a moment). In this post I thought to give you some New year's resolutions to give your life meaning, on your quest to living a life void of meaning. "Do something every day that scares you" I'm not talking about facing normie fears like spiders or the dark, yo...

It's September, meaning that the new year is just moments away! Get ready to make new year's resolutions and then abandon them like the garbage person you are using these simple tips. What is spiritual molting? Molting is the process in which snakes shed their skin. (See post "Snake Skin?" for a more in-depth explanation of this physical process). Spiritually, one can shed their negative attributes in order to be their best self. Get rid of any shred of personality you have and just be a likeable mass of nothing because you want to fit in! 1. Sugar scrubs. It's not about the physical scrub, but what it represents. This upcoming year, use sugar scrubs to not only exfoliate, but to rub away anything that makes you different or unique! 2. Therapy. Stop posting long paragraphs about your mental state on FaceBook and invest in some real help. In all seriousness, therapy can be a great way to work on your mental health and become the best version of you, you ...

Today I thought I would recommend some games for all you goons who play SuperSmashBros and have the audacity to call yourselves real gamers. Get educate!!!! 1. Snake A classic game. Hey, I gotta stay true to my brand! 2. Fortnight. No, not Fortnite. This game for REAL gamers is just a two week long period.Yuh. 3. Monopoly. Again, not what you think it is! If you're a LEGITIMATE gamer, you will horizontally or vertically integrate your business and become the next Robber Baron! Ruin the economy, because you are the 1% and you'll be just like Carnegie and philanthropically slap your name on a couple on universities and art halls. That's what I call community service! 4. Poker. Poker face? Only real gamers can master that. Thanks for staying tuned! Come back soon for a BREAKINg new story about the mistreatment of ghosts in our society. Peace, love, snakes, -MAD

Today's big question is "is free will real or just an illusion?" This blog is lucky in that it tackles big questions from two angles: snakes, and the economy. This allows for a more holistic evaluation of the daily question, and will be especially helpful for today's post. So, let's slip-n-slide into this bitch. Free will (noun): the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one's own discretion. Before we dive into whether humans have free will, let's examine the lives of snakes. Snakes are my gorgeous wife, and I treasure them. At first glance, you think that they're free because they aren't bound by the shackles of capitalism. But are they truly free? After all, snakes are all just lizard tails that have fallen off, and then grew into a separate organism. I was in a class in which I discussed the topic of free will for several hours, but since none of the other people in there were well versed ...

I haven't been writing nearly as much as the economy, so I thought today I would explore some economics. Yay! The economy is kind of like a bouncy ball. Sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down. Usually we can predict it with science and math, but sometimes it does unexpected things, like charge you $1M for a single home. Huh. Right now, there is fear of a trade war as countries re-evaluate trade deals. That may mean the economy may go down, but so far it hasn't and everything is smooth sailing. Now, the economy is a complicated and ever-changing topic, and I personally do not care enough to fully understand it. Let's look at some lines, shall we? That's one beautiful, sharp line! Neat! Let's check out that same line, but with a different line also, since every line needs a friend. Cool! Two lines! I wish I had a friend like that. Check out all those lines! Thanks for tuning in to MAD today as I explore the less-talked-about, but...

Hey what's up homies?!!? Today is a big day because I am tackling a highly requested question! I think it's time to answer the question: "What is love?" The obvious answer is "baby don't hurt me," but I am not a basic Bi*ch and wanted to dig deeper into this truly interesting question. What exactly is love? In the past, I have explained some terms using acronyms. Love usually stands for Lego Overlords Vore Everyday, but this doesn't do much to explain the true nature of love. Snakes cannot feel love. That's what scientists say. Even if they cannot love me, that does not stop me from loving them. You see this big buffoon? This neon green majesty? This heart-wrenching beauty? This is what love feels like. Stare into those big black eyes. It's an abyss. It's dark. It's LOVE . Economically speaking, love doesn't make a lot of sense. When you're in love, you make dumb choices, like buying flowers and dinner. ...