My Aneconda Don't

Today's big question is "is free will real or just an illusion?" This blog is lucky in that it tackles big questions from two angles: snakes, and the economy. This allows for a more holistic evaluation of the daily question, and will be especially helpful for today's post. So, let's slip-n-slide into this bitch. Free will (noun): the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one's own discretion. Before we dive into whether humans have free will, let's examine the lives of snakes. Snakes are my gorgeous wife, and I treasure them. At first glance, you think that they're free because they aren't bound by the shackles of capitalism. But are they truly free? After all, snakes are all just lizard tails that have fallen off, and then grew into a separate organism. I was in a class in which I discussed the topic of free will for several hours, but since none of the other people in there were well versed ...

I haven't been writing nearly as much as the economy, so I thought today I would explore some economics. Yay! The economy is kind of like a bouncy ball. Sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down. Usually we can predict it with science and math, but sometimes it does unexpected things, like charge you $1M for a single home. Huh. Right now, there is fear of a trade war as countries re-evaluate trade deals. That may mean the economy may go down, but so far it hasn't and everything is smooth sailing. Now, the economy is a complicated and ever-changing topic, and I personally do not care enough to fully understand it. Let's look at some lines, shall we? That's one beautiful, sharp line! Neat! Let's check out that same line, but with a different line also, since every line needs a friend. Cool! Two lines! I wish I had a friend like that. Check out all those lines! Thanks for tuning in to MAD today as I explore the less-talked-about, but...

Hey what's up homies?!!? Today is a big day because I am tackling a highly requested question! I think it's time to answer the question: "What is love?" The obvious answer is "baby don't hurt me," but I am not a basic Bi*ch and wanted to dig deeper into this truly interesting question. What exactly is love? In the past, I have explained some terms using acronyms. Love usually stands for Lego Overlords Vore Everyday, but this doesn't do much to explain the true nature of love. Snakes cannot feel love. That's what scientists say. Even if they cannot love me, that does not stop me from loving them. You see this big buffoon? This neon green majesty? This heart-wrenching beauty? This is what love feels like. Stare into those big black eyes. It's an abyss. It's dark. It's LOVE . Economically speaking, love doesn't make a lot of sense. When you're in love, you make dumb choices, like buying flowers and dinner. ...

Mmmmmmmmmmmm........... coffee. It's warm, it's a drug, and it goes sploosh in your stomach. But this post isn't about coffee, it's about snakes. In my post "Top 10 Kinds of Snakes," I ranked the genus Ninia as #1. Since there are 10 species in the genus Ninia, I thought today I would rank them. Before we get started, let's talk about Ninia snakes all together: they are native to Mexico, Central America, and the northern part of South America. They are commonly referred to as coffee snakes, hence the name of this post. 10. Ninia franciscoi It breaks my heart to rank any kind of coffee snake last, but seeing as I couldn't find any pictures of this species, I have to rank them here. Time to go into my mud hut and cry for seventeen days! 9. Ninia celata I couldn't find a better picture, sorry. But it's still beautiful. 8. Ninia atrata Also called Hallowell's coffee snake. It's wearing a red choker, which is SO 2006, but ...

Here is a list of my 10 favorite kinds of snakes. Have fun, pal!!!! 10. Death Adder I wanted to put this one higher on the list, but my agents warned me against promoting something named after Death. Fair enough, I guess. But I simply couldn't resist showing off these snakes- they can do math AND kill people, which is super hardcore. Look at these beautiful babies: 9. Dwarf Boa Also referred to as thunder snakes, these tiny boys are a MENACE. I wish I had a son, only because then I could get him a tiny little pet snake. Look how cute and cuddly they are!!!!! 8. False Cobra These snakes are really cute, so I wanted to feature them here on MAD. The only reason they didn't place higher on the list is because they are fake ass hoes- the False Cobra is not a species of cobra at all!!! When I found this out, I contemplated jumping off of the nearest bridge because I was so overwhelmed. Anyway, yeah: 7. Mamba A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of E...

Hey everybody!! Before we dive head-first into this question, I wanted to give some context. Every day, I am trying to answer a big question. Today I am tackling "When was Prince?"  since the other day, I was learning about the counterculture of the 1960's and decided to ask my teacher when Prince was. He didn't have an answer, so I am taking initiative and tackling this question myself. Prince is the son of a royal person. They're a king, if the king only ate white flour with green beans and always skipped leg day. Princes wear crowns and act like prissy b*tches, and witches don't like them. The prince from Beauty and the Beast was so ugly and annoying a witch turned him into a furry. Truly a horrible end to a person. Princes always seem to ruin economies by blowing their royal trust funds on rooms and rooms full of hot cheetos. I respect their interest in this food, but even I have a limit as to how many hot cheetos I can consume before I turn into dust...

Today I will be answering a very important question: "Snake skin?" This question means a lot to me since I am a snake enthusiast. Have fun! Skin is a stretchy fabric, but it's alive. It covers all living things until it gets too small and falls off. Someone once told me that skin is the largest organ in the body. I didn't know what an organ was, but a quick search showed me it was this: look at this organ Neat! A handy acronym to remember what skin is, is Skeet sKeet Inter Net. I'm not sure how it relates to skin, but make sure to remember that! On to snake skin. Snake skin is really fun because snakes shed it! You can find this skin later and sell it in the black market for $6. Some products like clothes, bags, and shoes are made of snakeskin, which this publication (MAD) strongly disagrees with. Clothing made of animals doesn't really make sense, both economically and in terms of snakes. Anway, I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Make su...